What’s being stirred? How am I being undone? How are we disturbed?
We opened with these three questions and everyone in the meeting agreed. We are unsettled, stirred up as waves of disruption pile one on top of the other and the extent of our system-level crisis has become visible. We shared how we struggle to stay present with the pain, to feel the sadness and the rage, and… still come from love.
I really don’t like being disturbed. Nobody does. But I’ve discovered that embracing rather than turning away from what disturbs us is a skill, a muscle we can build, and essential in leadership development. It’s a conversation we can initiate and a personal practice that builds resilience, motivation, a readiness to accept the next wave of change with more equanimity. The quicker we recover, the more capable we are of acting in meaningful ways. Perhaps, especially today, this has become essential skill in leadership development.
Consider these five questions as a starting point for meaningfully engaging with disturbance:
NOTICE – What made me uncomfortable or disturbed me today or this week?
SENSE – Where do I sense disturbance in my body? What feels uncomfortable? Where am I irritated? Where do I feel reactive—tempted to lash out or back away?
EXPLORE – What have I made this disturbance mean? What was I assuming? How is what happened contrary to my version of truth? What belief or what way of life is being challenged? Why do I not like the challenge?
CHOOSE – Will I genuinely engage with the change? Do I intend to reconsider my assumptions and beliefs? What research do I need to do to learn more?
ACT - What is mine to do? What can I support? Where do I start?
Some days, it’s difficult to name the disturbances without focusing blame in a single direction, denying the extent of the problems, or feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard to know what we are responsible for. What we can actually change.
But, change doesn’t happen without things getting shaken up. As we consciously notice and carefully listen, we deepen into an emotional engagement. We stop our automatic preoccupation with the past or our projection of the past onto the future and find that we can better understand what is so, right now.
Are we willing to be disturbed? Wake up? Look without flinching? Every time I cycle through the 5 questions I learn something new and gain more muscle to show up centered in the face of disturbance.
NOTICE: To take in the loss of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and all the women and men of color that have been killed opens my eyes to our culpability, the ways my silence has sustained, even fueled a pervasively unjust and hurtful system. This week, watching The New York Times drone footage of the endless lines of people waiting to vote in South Carolina and Georgia shakes my assumption about a democracy that works.
SENSE: When I slow down and become aware of bodily sensations instead of constantly worrying or anxiously reacting, I have a better chance of choosing wisely. Cultivating an ability to sense starts with following the breath in and out, letting our awareness expand to reconnect with conditioned patterns and unconscious identities that arise from personal and cultural history as they are expressed and held in our bodies.
EXPLORE: As much as I thought I knew and understood, the events of the past week have shown me how much further we all need to go. We need to listen to and learn from Black leaders, share their messages, and examine the privilege many of us have always benefited from. Becoming aware we discover compassion for the suffering and pain of others, recognize the complexity of the issues, and continue to tackle our personal blind spots as we find our way to meaningful action.
CHOOSE: It is our choice, and one we make daily. It takes courage to disturb the status quo. Although staying paralyzed or stuck in reactivity are choices as well, once we look, it’s easy to see that we are all part of the problem. None of us can stand on the sidelines as observers anymore.
ACT: I love this! Starting with a combined reach of 300 million followers, pairs of White and Black women shared the mic, to amplify the voices of Black women doing important work toward change. #ShareTheMicNow, started on June 10th when 50 powerful Black women took over the Instagram accounts of 50 A-list White women for the day in the US. Their intention is to build a network who know and trust each other so that future activism is born from relationships.
Hilary Clinton teamed up with the commentator and writer Zerlina Maxwell, a political analyst for MSNBC. Zerlina’s Twitter feed includes great examples of thinking differently.
Here’s an example of how white privilege sounds
You keep saying
“It’s horrible that an innocent black man was killed,
but destroying property has to stop.”
Try saying
“It’s horrible that property is being destroyed,
but killing innocent black men has to stop.
You’re prioritizing the wrong part.
By engaging with disturbance, we can begin to stand shoulder to shoulder as we all take a step into freedom. We step out from under the heavy yoke of being right, of knowing how things should be or shouldn’t be. Questioning our limited beliefs, we can surface the ways we bind ourselves into a story, a polished identity, a skin that is comfortable but too small for growing.
Shedding this too-tight skin feels vulnerable. We might find ourselves taking our discomfort out on others…or we indulge in overworking, overeating or drinking, binging on TV, fanatically exercising, or even obsessively house cleaning to briefly relieve the pressure. Yet when we let the internal feeling of pressure intensify for a little bit longer than is comfortable, we reach a point where genuine compassion opens our hearts and we can figure out our part, our own complicity.
Austin Channing Brown, the author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness says, “Our only chance at dismantling racial injustice is being more curious about its origins than we are worried about our comfort. It's not a comfortable conversation for any of us. It is risky and messy.”
The question now is how to thoughtfully engage. Do we talk ourselves out of how much we care, how fiercely we feel, the actions we know are needed? Or do we stay engaged, ask uncomfortable questions, embrace learning, and dig for a willingness to reform, systemically make changes to build a different future?
This inner gesture of engaging with what disturbs us awakens our ability to deconstruct fixed mindsets and crumbling systems. The five questions can inspire new ways of acting from a deeper awareness. Ultimately, embracing disturbance is a tender, enlivening experience of celebrating our shared humanity.